Ursa Major

Some users may experience issues with network connectivity due to a large bear rampaging through the server room. The species of bear is unknown, but Phil from accounting may have shouted "Brown!" before he disappeared, though his last words were largely unintelligible because of intense horror and a debilitating speech impediment.

Local users or technicians may find themselves violently attacked if they approach the server room. This is expected behavior (for a bear). We have run several virus scans, and users should be happy to know that the bear is, in fact, very healthy. So is its appetite.

Users are encouraged to use interoffice mail, as well as tranquilizer darts. Standard game darts (lawn or otherwise) are not recommended, as they may drive the bear into a rage. Poison dart frogs may be effective, but initial testing was unsuccessful due to improper handling.


We apologize for any inconvenience, and will post updates as soon as we are able to fully assess the situation.