Ursa Major

Some users may experience issues with network connectivity due to a large bear rampaging through the server room. The species of bear is unknown, but Phil from accounting may have shouted "Brown!" before he disappeared, though his last words were largely unintelligible because of intense horror and a debilitating speech impediment.

Local users or technicians may find themselves violently attacked if they approach the server room. This is expected behavior (for a bear). We have run several virus scans, and users should be happy to know that the bear is, in fact, very healthy. So is its appetite.

Users are encouraged to use interoffice mail, as well as tranquilizer darts. Standard game darts (lawn or otherwise) are not recommended, as they may drive the bear into a rage. Poison dart frogs may be effective, but initial testing was unsuccessful due to improper handling.


We apologize for any inconvenience, and will post updates as soon as we are able to fully assess the situation.

Attn: Users of Super Duper Media 4000

Due to a critical bug, some users may notice that our software occasionally opens up a wormhole that dumps the user into the vacuum of space. This bug only affects an estimated 3% - 5% of users, and should be considered low-risk. A software patch is expected, but no formal announcement has yet been made.

Some recommended workarounds include:

• Low expectations
• Always wearing a suit designed for deep-space travel
• An open mind about death and a preparedness for sudden, terrifying shock
• Ctrl + Alt + Del + Rapid Decompression
• Not using our software

We apologize for any inconvenience that this has caused. As always, our number one priority is the customer, and we value your business.

-SDM 4000