Increased Prodeadtivity

As a reminder to all physically well employees, please steer clear of the basement cubicle farm unless you are signed up to receive permanent zombification treatment.  What began as a routine walk for Guy became a localized outbreak of The ViruZ after his long lashes and milky-white, glossed-over puppy dog eyes lured our unwitting QA staff into petting his adorable zombie head.  This, of course, did not go well.  Only Carl Champion has remained unaffected for reasons unknown, though he is suspected to not be very delicious.

Incidentally, productivity downstairs has increased by roughly 38% since the outbreak.  As such, management has decided to appoint one employee from each area as "Z-Team Liaison" in order to boost morale and set a good example for other company offices. This simple nomination process is currently underway, and it takes into account various criteria on a points system:

• Low productivity (3 pts)
• Whistling around your coworkers (3 pts)
• Having impure thoughts about Dana at the front desk (5 pts)
• Saying anything bad about HR, ever (7 pts)
• Inability to defend yourself if nominated (10 pts)

If selected, please report to Guy's office/containment unit, where he will give you a small nip on your finger.  The conversion process will take anywhere from one to four hours.  Once changed into a horrifying abomination, you will be responsible for providing your own muzzle.  Information on tax-deductible muzzles can be obtained through the Payroll Office.

We appreciate your continued cooperation!

-HR