After last week's explosion in the server room, we are pleased to announce that Ted from HR will be making a nearly full recovery, although there is a chance that he may be confined to a wheelchair. As most of you know, Ted was hospitalized after being exposed to very large amounts of Internet caused by the explosion. At peak, Ted was showing a count of over 9000 Internets, well above the typical range of Internet toxicosis. This number has steadily decreased with regular treatments of Microsoft's networking, and he is nearly back to the baseline rating of 200 Internets. We all wish Ted a speedy recovery.
-IT
Update: It seems that there was an unfortunate side-effect of Ted's Internet exposure that causes him to have developed psychokinetic powers, the limits of which we have yet to ascertain. This is not expected to be an issue, but we would like to put down some guidelines, to minimize any potential issues:
- Do not look Ted directly in the eyes, as he currently has a bug that can potentially format the user's brain. Our condolences go out to Sally Raffleton's family.
- If you see Ted levitating about the building, please pay him no mind. He has decided against the wheelchair.
- While he does have limited sight into the future, Ted can sometimes confuse the order of events. Therefore, please be sure to fully announce your presence before entering his office. This helps to prevent Ted from inadvertently tearing a hole in space-time.
- Smile. Since the accident, Ted enjoys it when people smile at him. Remember to avoid eye contact!
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